Wonderwall

When I was young(er), I was an idiot. I thought I was smart cos I knew lots of people who were not so smart. But I still felt inferior in other ways; physically, tactical smarts, street smarts... etc. So I realised I wasn't so smart, and that I was being an even bigger idiot by thinking I was smart.

When I was young(er), I was always scared to do things. I always believed that the "big people" would know how to handle things. As I continued rowing the boat down this river of fate, I realised not all "big people" know how to handle things. Some "big people" were just big. Inside, they were still "small people". So I thought I was smarter, since I could see that. Then I realised I would probably end up like that one day. So I hated growing up.

When I grew old(er), I started to see more and more things that I was unhappy with. For example: Why was gravity so tenacious as to keep us grounded all the time? Why are politicians (who make policies which decide how our lives are run) people who were mostly made up of the people like the idiots I knew growing up, who are much dumber than I am? Then I realised making policies and big big decisions are not easy, and I was not sure myself I could do such things.

A lot of things have changed.

As I live everyday now, I try to keep my mind as open as possible. I tend to be too judgmental, but I try to keep it as being 'too analytical'. I tend to be pessimistic, but I try to keep it realistic; and realism is that while bad things may happen, good things may happen too. I tend to be too critical and blame others; I try to shut up and fix myself first.

Sometimes I feel I would never survive in this world, if it were not for other people protecting me.

Do other people protect these protectors of mine too?

Am I protecting other people without realising it?

I like to think we all rely on each other. But if we take away one support, can it be replaced? Maybe not. Cos we are humans. We have feelings. We are just idiots played for fools by our emotions, hormones, neurotransmitters, memory, prejudice, habits, preconceptions, fears.

So never forget a friend you've made. You may forget the name, the face, the place. I dunno about you, but I still remember a lot of people whose paths in this timeless river crossed with mine. Is it enough to remember? Maybe how we remember them is important too.

~~~